One Promise Worth Keeping

My son Jack asked me to do something for him.

“Can you accept a UPS delivery to the house? It’s the engagement ring I’m giving to Katie.”

He was having it sent to our house to save on sales tax. A meaningful savings on a very meaningful purchase. Of course I could be there. This was my son’s engagement ring!

I checked the delivery with the tracking code. That morning, the UPS app said it would be delivered at noon. It hadn’t even left the warehouse, so I went to meet a friend for a walk.

At 10 a.m., I got a “missed delivery” notification from UPS. And a call from Jack: “MAAAAHHHMMMMMM, what happened??!!”

My heart literally sank. That couldn’t be possible. The feeling of breaking a promise to someone so important to me, around something that meant so much, crushed me. I had said I would be there. I wasn’t.

Why does breaking a promise to someone we love send us into action, while breaking a promise to ourselves so often gets a “maybe tomorrow”?

It shows up for me like: I’ll work out tomorrow. I’ll make time to make that appointment next week. I'll ask for what I really want next time. I’ll do it when this busy stretch is over.

We keep assuming our future selves will have more time, more energy, and fewer demands. We leave them a lot to do later.

The Future-Self Index findings suggest that roughly seven out of ten people don’t have a clear vision of their future. And when you don't know who you want to be, your commitments become a casualty.

How compelled are we to keep a promise to someone we can’t really see, picture, or feel?

I knew exactly who was counting on me with that ring. I could picture Jack proposing. I could picture Katie’s face.

When I promise myself I’ll make time for something I want, do I give it that same attention? Do I think about what following through would actually make possible? Or do I just add it to the list?

The promises we make to ourselves matter. The workout. The conversation. Asking for what we need. Taking a first step toward something we’ve wanted for a long time.

When we keep pushing commitments to ourselves off, we lose more than the opportunity to do them. We then doubt our own word, and self-trust diminishes.

Then we “should” all over ourselves. I should have. I could have. Why do I keep doing this? This negative inner monologue rumination takes up so much space and energy.

Instead of “shoulding” all over ourselves when a promise goes south, what if we put that energy into finding another way to keep it?

That’s what I did with Jack’s ring. I had everybody on the phone and online with UPS, trying to figure out whether we could pick it up or find another way to get it. I even offered to wait for the next delivery option, which was two days later, and fly it out to where he was planning to pop the question.

Then my husband spotted the big brown truck coming down the street. “Is that a UPS truck?”

I ran like hell out the back door and down the street. My husband said he’d never seen me move so fast. I grabbed the package and hugged the driver. I was crying, so thankful.

I’ve thought about the energy I put into keeping that promise. The calls. The determination. Offering to get on a plane. I would keep my promise even if it took me a $500 ticket to California.

​Jack & Katie. I only wish I'd gotten a picture with the UPS driver!

What if I brought that same commitment to the promises I make to myself?

In answering that question, I’ve looked back at where I’ve surprised myself. Getting my coaching certification required classes and a 100 hours of coaching before I could put “ACC” after my name. I made time for those hours because I could see myself doing this work.

Then there was my book. I decided to write it without knowing the first thing about how to do it. Along the way, something else always needed my attention, but I could picture myself as a published author. I wanted to be her, so I designed my days around that as if I was already her. Life got in the way, as it always does, but I found the time to write. Those promises were easier to keep because I could see what I was keeping them for.

When you can picture who you're becoming, you give yourself a reason to act today. I've explored this more in Your Future Self, including how the person you envision becoming can shape the choices you make today.

Consider your promises to yourself. Start with something you actually want, with a clear idea of why it matters to you. Decide when you’ll do it, what might get in the way, and what my backup plan will be. Give yourself something to rely on when your calendar is full or when you’re under the everyday pressures of life.

I can always count on myself to slip up, but I remind myself that having an extra piece of cake doesn’t mean throwing all my efforts to eat well in the trash. I can make a different choice today.

I worked so hard to keep my promise to Jack because I could see how much it mattered. I want to give what matters to me that same commitment.

What would be different in your life if you worked as hard to keep a promise to yourself as you do for someone you love?

This week, be your own hero.