Living in the AND: How High Performers Build Resilience Under Pressure

I was giving a keynote to a small group of CEOs when I noticed a woman sitting about five rows back.

She was asleep.

I wanted to be compassionate, telling myself she must have been up late watching the Knicks. At least that's what I hoped. But it really rattled me.

My mind then went straight to the negative:
Maybe this isn't landing.
Maybe I'm not good at this. Maybe I can't hold the room.

Then I noticed something else. A woman in the second row was taking a lot of notes. I spoke; she wrote. Looking up at me, then back down to write. She also nodded in agreement. Something was landing.

In the same room. At the same moment.
Two completely different signals.

I almost let the noise distract me. Instead, I chose to focus on the signal.

I was feeling all of it at once.

Doubt and confidence.

Disappointment and impact.

Pressure and possibility.

Fear and excitement.

Both were true.

I think many of us walk around with an unspoken expectation that we should feel great, happy, empowered, motivated, confident, focused, and peaceful most of the time.

When we don't, we assume something is wrong. Life isn't working.

Here’s what I’ve learned…

Life isn't an either/or experience.

It's an AND.

You can be grateful and frustrated at the same time.

Confident and uncertain.

Excited and disappointed.

Focused and overwhelmed.

Hopeful and scared.

The most grounded people I know aren't the ones who avoid difficult emotions. They're the ones who stop fighting them.

They acknowledge what's true without letting it decide who they become next.

This week, I found myself feeling both disappointed and excited. Disappointed that some things aren't moving as quickly as I'd hoped. Excited by the possibilities sitting right in front of me.

Both were true.

Like checking the weather before leaving the house, our brains naturally scan for storms. We notice what's wrong before we notice what's right. We focus on the sleeping audience member over the one taking notes.

This tendency isn't unique to keynote stages. High achievers often do the same thing with their careers, relationships, and goals—focusing on perceived shortcomings while overlooking evidence of growth and impact.

Living in the AND is choosing where your attention goes next.

More joy, peace, freedom, and impact come when we stop waiting for life to feel perfect and learn to hold both the good and the hard at the same time.

Real life is finding joy when things are hard.

Finding focus when there's noise. Finding gratitude when things aren't perfect.

The power isn't in controlling how you feel. The power is in noticing how you feel and choosing who you want to be anyway.

When you know how you're feeling - and how you want to feel - you have a choice.

Who do I want to be in this moment? What would that version of me do?

I don't need to wait until I feel certain to move forward. I don't need to wait until I feel fearless to be courageous. I go through that every time I step onto a stage.

I can feel all the things I wish weren't there - and still create.

Still contribute.

Still lead.

Still make an impact.

That's what living in the AND means.

Not choosing one emotion over another. Allowing yourself to be fully human while continuing to become who you're here to be.

After the talk, my sleepy friend in the audience told me I was great.

You can't make it up.

But our minds make up a lot if we let them.