Stop Breaking Promises to Yourself

Last week I presented to a large group of extraordinary women. On their chairs, waiting for them, was a Newspaper.

Yes, a physical newspaper!

Not a flyer. Not a QR code. Not a business card.

An actual newspaper — The Possibility Press — with research findings, personal development insights, and exercises the audience can leverage to take their next leap.

When I was deciding how to share my research on why high achievers struggle to see their future self, I asked: What would the version of me I'm becoming decide is the most powerful way to share my life's work?

Not the practical choice, but the elevated one. That question changed the decision entirely.

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Which version of you is making your decisions right now?

If I asked you how often you broke a promise to your kid...or partner...or team, what would you say.

Rarely. Almost never.

Because when it matters to someone else, you show up.

So why is it so easy to break them to yourself?

Are you any less important?

Not the big, dramatic promises. The quiet ones.

"I'll speak up in that meeting. I'll take care of my health. I'll finally make that move. I will promote myself."

And then something "more important" shows up… and your promises to yourself go unmet or put on the back burner.

Breaking a promise to yourself isn't just about the action you didn't take.

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It's what happens next. You negotiate. You lower the standard for yourself. And, with each broken promise, it gets easier to break another one, and another one, leading to a breaking promises cycle.

And then you "should" on yourself. I should have. I would have. I could have.

That inner critic runs on a loop — zapping more energy than the commitment ever would have taken.

Over time, you stop believing your own word. That's the real cost. Not the missed workout. Not the delayed decision.

It's the erosion of self-trust that diminishes you.

Most people try to solve this with discipline. Push harder. Add structure. Make bigger promises.

It doesn't work — because this isn't a discipline issue. It's an identity issue. Identity is the version of yourself you default to under pressure.

You're asking a version of yourself — built for your current life — to execute against a future that requires more. More clarity. More courage. More capacity.

When the pressure hits, that version defaults to what feels familiar. Not to your goals.

So instead of asking "What should I do?" — ask this:

If I were already the person I'm becoming… what decision would she make right now?

You may think this is 'woo woo,' but the more you can become intentional about how you lead yourself, the more you will feel in control and more certain.

Intentionally taking actions that aligned with your future. When you set priorities and prioritize yourself. Every promise you keep isn't just progress — it's growth.

Here’s what’s even more important…

Keeping promises to yourself is keeping promises to your people.

When you show up for your goals, you show up better — for your babies, your team, your husband. When you're fulfilled and growing, they see it. They feel it.

And they see who they can become.

You're not choosing yourself over them. You're showing them how it's done.

Stop should-ing on yourself!!!

Start acting from who you're becoming — not who you've been.