Outcome-Based Leadership
I don’t want to talk about it.
Uncomfortable conversations are uncomfortable. Some call them crucial or critical.
I call them energetic conversations.
You think they will be hard and difficult.
Recently, a business owner shared with me a fissure between her and her business partner that was seeping into their relationship. Lots of drama around unmet expectations and feelings of disappointment and frustration. The elephant in the room was the need for a conversation.
Not addressing it was negatively affecting the business -- both financially and personally.
You think having a conversation will only make it worse.
You ruminate and dig your heels in.
You can’t see a way out.
I asked her if you were to have a conversation, what outcomes would you want?
She moved from what was wrong and who was to blame to ideation, creation, possibility, and clarity for the future she wanted.
Instead of coming from a place of being ‘right’ or from hurt feelings, she got curious and honed in on the vision she wanted for the business.
She then worked back from that desired place and created a list of questions for her and her partner to answer during their upcoming strategic meeting.
A means of co-creating resolutions, solutions, and outcomes together.
Instead of being on opposite sides, the list of questions would bring them together.
While she wanted to address all of the feelings, she decided to focus on the future and bold outcomes rather than the current distracting drama.
What outcomes do you want from that conversation you are ruminating on and/or procrastinating having?
When you are intentional and focused on outcomes, perceived risks become less risky because the potential rewards are great.
Energetic conversations are not about bringing up what happened. Recounting the past has you reliving it or staying there.
When you start having conversations about the future you want instead of having them from a place of review or blame, creating a better future becomes incredibly powerful.
The need to be right and have your ‘rightness’ be validated comes from ego.
Ask yourself if there is a place between your right and their wrong. What could be in between (even if you are right)? What’s in the middle? A compromise in pursuit of a better future.
Energetic conversations with the best possible outcomes with the least amount of fallout come from outcome-based thinking.
Energetic Conversations Don’t
Stop trying to win.
Stop ruminating. You end up wasting time on negative energy instead of having a conversation that moves you positively forward.
Stop worrying about being liked. It’s one of the reasons you delay or go silent. Being liked is people-pleasing which is unproductive for you and them.
Stop making up stories in your head about what they might say or how they may react.
Don’t make it about them. Make it about the future.
Don't assume you know their story. You know the first three letters of assumption. Unless it can be proven in a court of law, it is not fact. It’s opinion.
Never have an energetic conversation in the heat of the moment. Working from negative emotions will not generate positive outcomes.
Energetic Conversation Do’s
Start by deciding on the outcomes that will serve both of you, your relationship, and your business moving forward.
Start by taking a deep breath. Lower your voice and slow down your speech.
Start mapping back from the outcomes you want to create.
Start to get curious. While we feel bad about what they did or how they made us feel or a problem they created, it’s likely their intention was not nefarious or mean-spirited or negatively intended to mess things up.
Be open to being vulnerable in pursuit of the outcomes that are better for both of you. This can be the hardest part if you are stuck in ego and being right.
Consider this framework for your next energetic conversation which can also be used when giving feedback or in performance reviews.
Share your intention and outcomes for the conversation and share your feelings about them.
Share what’s at risk for you, for them, and for the business.
Ask for their thoughts, listen, and validate by mirroring back what they say.
Share a recommendation for a resolution.
Ask for their feedback.
Ask for their commitment and state yours.
Outcome-based conversations are about creating a better more productive future -- together.
If you are considering working with a Coach or want to know more about the components of a Coaching engagement, let’s get on a call with this link.
“The biggest impact working with Christina The 'Thought work she taught has given me a greater sense of awareness, and ultimately, control, over my emotional response to situations at work and at home. I am stepping into a major career transition with joy, grace and pride.”
